AUGUST 23, 2004
PHILIP BYNOE IS STILL MISSING
Chicago, IL - Philip Bynoe is still missing. Local authorities, who have been engaged in a two-week search for Shred Eagle's former bassist, issued the following statement today: "It is our understanding that Mr. Bynoe was abducted by foreign terrorists. He is being held against his will. We have no idea where he is."
Gary "Rock" Rose, Shred Eagle's lead guitar player, stated that the band had received a piece of correspondence from the terrorists. "They are engaging in systematic torture of Phil," said the somber "Rock" Rose. "Because we refused to stop recording, they have begun repeatedly playing early demos by Shred Eagle's predecessor band to Phil. It is our understanding that he is just barely hanging on."
Paul Long, the band's sound engineer who appeared battered and bruised himself, promised "swift vengeance" if Bynoe is harmed further. "We all feel slightly responsible at Gravity Studios because I accidentally let these murdering terrorists in the side door," said Long. "I thought they were new interns bringing donuts or pizza. I couldn't have been more wrong."
Shred Eagle has stated that it will start organizing search efforts for Bynoe as soon as the new album is complete, which could be as soon as October or November 2004.
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